I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm jealous of your bromance
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize