I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
True but thats because hes a fetus.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
