i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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