Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
