Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
