Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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