and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
