Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize