Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
