bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
