Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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