I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
