I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
