i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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