one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
