Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
