Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Watching her eat just hurts me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
