He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
