those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
