Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
