just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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