we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
