My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
