I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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