OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
