I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
