We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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