your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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