don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she smelled like a LAN party
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize