There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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