New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
