I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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