marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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