Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
