bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just had sex bonerless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
