I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
