It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize