How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize