Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
