I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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