Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
