Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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