..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize