You don't have asthma, your pregnant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize