I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
