and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
