i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
