Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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