I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
