Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
