You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
