you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
