I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
