how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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