I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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