Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
