I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
