i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
