If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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