And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
