her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
