Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
