the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
