We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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