This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
