why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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