She said her name was "party"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
