my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
